Only Time

A week ago, I had a profound moment sitting in my classroom (I just want to add that it's sooo weird to have my OWN classroom!). I was at my desk, while my kids were working on an assignment, and we were listening to soft, relaxing music. The song "Only Time" by Enya came on. Even though this happens to be one of my favorite songs of all time, for the first time I actually listened to the lyrics and realized how incredible they are. The song starts off by saying "who can say where the road goes?, where the day flows?, only time..." I really took those lyrics to heart. As much as I like to sit around and ponder/decide how things will turn out in my life, I will always be wrong.

For example, there's my relationship with Boy. I'd like to think that my past relationship with him was pointless and should have been avoided, but I also realize that it's not true. He taught me to have a better outlook on life and to have confidence in myself. Also, (and probably most importantly) I have to credit him with my current job. Last year, at this very same time, I was feeling increasingly unhappy in my third grade student teaching placement. I was offered a way out if I would move to fifth grade. I didn't want to. Boy told me that I had nothing to lose and that I needed to give it a shot because I might be surprised at how it turns out. Well he was right, I ended up LOVING fifth grade! A year later, I sit here marvelling at the fact that I'm a fifth grade teacher and it's exactly where I should be.

Life happens everyday and there are always unexpected twists in the road. A year ago, I would never have thought I would be where I am today. I thought I'd be living somewhere new, falling in love with my (seemingly)perfect Boy, and living a fun-filled picturesque life. Instead, I'm living at home, heartbroken, and leading a fairly dull life. However, my life is still fulfilling. I'm a teacher, which I still can't believe, and i'm constantly progressing toward becoming a more confident, independent young adult. Even though this isn't the life I would have pictured, it's not a bad life.

Another part of the lyrics says "who can say why your heart sighs, as your love flies, only time..." This is particularly helpful as I try to overcome my broken heart. I may be hurting now and confused as to why I'm alone but it's all for a good reason. Someday, I'll understand why I wasn't what he wanted and that there was nothing different that I could have done to change the outcome.

Also, while I was thinking about this song, I just happened to come across this quote in one of my teacher inspiration books. It says "if you really don't miss someone or someplace, you're not living life deeply enough." This is such a powerful quote. It's the scars on our hearts that show our true beauty. If everything was rainbows and smiley faces, we would never be able to appreciate the great things in our lives. I have loved and I have lost, but in the end, I'll be the winner. The heart breaks of life have caused me to become more open towards new possibilities because you never know when something will be taken away from you or when something will be drastically changed.

“Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4